 Showering the mother with gifts and nourishment is an alternative to the usual baby shower. Photo credit to Jorge Fernandez Salas (Article originally written for Birthing Magazine Summer 2024. Edited by me, the author, to remove inadvertent insensitivity). In our society, a baby shower is a common celebration that families and loved ones host for the parents-to-be. These parties typically involve a baby registry that guests can use as a gift giving guide, baby- or new parent-related games, food, advice, and typically a group of close friends and family to the parents-to-be. Some people absolutely love these parties and have the planning down to a science! Others find baby showers overwhelming, exhausting, and sometimes a little frustrating, especially if unsolicited advice or comments are being shared, or guests decide not to follow the carefully curated baby registry that parents spent hours building (“oh thank you, another 10 pack of onesies that we didn’t ask for and likely won’t use before baby grows out of them…!”). One mother I heard from explained that she doesn’t feel comfortable receiving gifts for the baby before the baby arrives. Another mother I spoke with echoed this sentiment, adding that in her culture, it is unheard of to buy items for the baby before they arrive.
This isn’t meant to sound ungrateful or cynical, as I think many parents appreciate the gesture of a baby shower. But I can also understand that some parents don’t feel comfortable asking their loved ones to buy gifts for them or their baby, especially if they’ve already had a baby shower. Some guests may shrink away to the food table or backyard when the games start. And others don’t really want to be in a room of people they don’t know for hours, making awkward small talk on topics they may not have a lot of understanding on but are at the shower to support the parents. Does any of this strike a chord? Despite how well-meaning these parties can be, some families opt out of baby showers for the above reasons. So, this begs the question: is there another meaningful way to celebrate and support the parents that doesn’t involve some of the downsides of a baby shower? The answer is yes! And one of those meaningful ways is called a Mother Blessing. I had never heard of a Mother Blessing before until recently, so I reached out to some of my friends and colleagues to ask them more about these celebrations. What is a Mother Blessing? A Mother Blessing is typically a prenatal gathering of the mother-to-be and their close friends and family where the focus is solely on the mother-to-be. Mother Blessings are usually held late in the third trimester (36-38 weeks). The Mother Blessing usually involves nourishment, pampering, a sharing circle, and other rituals to build confidence and put the mother-to-be at ease as she transitions into motherhood. Please note: A Mother Blessing is inspired by Blessingway ceremonies held by the Navajo peoples. Blessingways are sacred rite of passage rituals only meant for the Navajo people. As such, the terms ‘Mother Blessing’ and ‘Blessingway’ should not be used interchangeably out of respect for the Navajo people and their culture and traditions. What types of rituals can someone expect at a Mother Blessing? Mother Blessings can be tailored to the mother's wants and needs as she transitions into motherhood. Here are some of the rituals you may see at a Mother Blessing:
Is a Mother Blessing only for new mothers? Not at all! Mother Blessings can be for first time moms or fifth time moms, whether the mother is birthing their child themselves, or through a surrogate or adoption. The idea is to celebrate and shower the mother with support, strength, and love. Mother Blessing gatherings are an excellent alternative to the conventional baby shower and are a beautiful way to honour a person as they transition into their motherhood role. As one mother explained to me, “The quality of time spend was much more purposeful to my journey into parenthood, connecting the relationship with my girlfriends.” I hope the information in this article is helpful to you or a mother in your life who may want to celebrate in a unique way. All the best in your motherhood journey, no matter how you choose to honour it! Krista, KKH Doula
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  A lot of people I've talked to about my recent training as a postpartum doula look at me with a mix of excitement and hesitancy. "It's great that you're a postpartum doula! ... but, what exactly is a postpartum doula?" The lack of understanding is not lost on me. When I was talking to my husband about how I enrolled in my postpartum training and later when we were talking about my doula business, he admitted that he didn't know what a postpartum doula was until I explained it to him. Truth be told, I didn't know what they were either until I was about 9 months postpartum with my daughter and the role was first introduced to me. Given how rough the latter part of my maternity leave was, I wished that I had known about postpartum doulas sooner. There are families from a variety of cultural backgrounds that I've read about and spoken to about postpartum help that seem shocked at the prospect of parents not having help after a baby arrived. Postpartum support is built into the fabric of these cultures. Family members, community members, and (grand)parents all help new parents in their respective ways. Their support ensures that the birthing person especially gets much needed rest, nourishment, and nurturing to replenish what was lost after giving birth. There are many families who immigrate to countries such as Canada who find themselves blindsided at the lack of support after baby arrives. Sometimes, these new parents have family members come from their home country to support them for some time in the postpartum period. Other times, this cannot happen, such as during the COVID19 pandemic and airports were shut down. This is where additional supports, such as those from a postpartum doula, are so important. The term 'doula' is Greek for "a woman who serves." Postpartum doulas are individuals (usually women) who help or 'serve' parents in the fourth trimester (the first 12 weeks after a baby arrives). Most postpartum doulas are trained by recognized doula trainers. This helps to ensure that support given to families is done in a professional, uniform, and non-biased way. Even though postpartum doulas are trained professionals, they are not medical professionals. The help a postpartum doula offers is temporary while parents adjust to their new family dynamic. This can be especially appreciated when supports are limited, there are older siblings, or the parents had multiples (twins, triplets, etc). The support can be practical or emotional in nature and can include:
The ways a postpartum doula can help a family in the postpartum period are vast and also curated to what each family needs. The above list is by no means exhaustive, but I hope paints a picture of what all I-- and other postpartum doulas-- can do to support a family during this special time.
If you have any other questions about postpartum doulas, or are interested in meeting with me to see if my services are a match for your family, please don't hesitate to reach out! All the best, Krista, KKH Postpartum Doula |
AuthorKrista Kirkpatrick-Hatch, BA Psyc (Hons.) is a Postpartum Doula in Calgary, AB, Canada Archives
October 2024
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