Mother Blessing: Showering the Soon-to-Be Mother

Showering the mother with gifts and nourishment is an alternative to the usual baby shower. Photo credit to Jorge Fernandez Salas

(Article originally written for Birthing Magazine Summer 2024. Edited by me, the author, to remove inadvertent insensitivity).

In our society, a baby shower is a common celebration that families and loved ones host for the parents-to-be. These parties typically involve a baby registry that guests can use as a gift giving guide, baby- or new parent-related games, food, advice, and typically a group of close friends and family to the parents-to-be. Some people absolutely love these parties and have the planning down to a science! Others find baby showers overwhelming, exhausting, and sometimes a little frustrating, especially if unsolicited advice or comments are being shared, or guests decide not to follow the carefully curated baby registry that parents spent hours building (“oh thank you, another 10 pack of onesies that we didn’t ask for and likely won’t use before baby grows out of them…!”). One mother I heard from explained that she doesn’t feel comfortable receiving gifts for the baby before the baby arrives. Another mother I spoke with echoed this sentiment, adding that in her culture, it is unheard of to buy items for the baby before they arrive.

This isn’t meant to sound ungrateful or cynical, as I think many parents appreciate the gesture of a baby shower. But I can also understand that some parents don’t feel comfortable asking their loved ones to buy gifts for them or their baby, especially if they’ve already had a baby shower. Some guests may shrink away to the food table or backyard when the games start. And others don’t really want to be in a room of people they don’t know for hours, making awkward small talk on topics they may not have a lot of understanding on but are at the shower to support the parents.

Does any of this strike a chord?

Despite how well-meaning these parties can be, some families opt out of baby showers for the above reasons. So, this begs the question: is there another meaningful way to celebrate and support the parents that doesn’t involve some of the downsides of a baby shower?

The answer is yes! And one of those meaningful ways is called a Mother Blessing.

I had never heard of a Mother Blessing before until recently, so I reached out to some of my friends and colleagues to ask them more about these celebrations.

What is a Mother Blessing?

A Mother Blessing is typically a prenatal gathering of the mother-to-be and their close friends and family where the focus is solely on the mother-to-be. Mother Blessings are usually held late in the third trimester (36-38 weeks). The Mother Blessing usually involves nourishment, pampering, a sharing circle, and other rituals to build confidence and put the mother-to-be at ease as she transitions into motherhood.

Please note: A Mother Blessing is inspired by Blessingway ceremonies held by the Navajo peoples. Blessingways are sacred rite of passage rituals only meant for the Navajo people. As such, the terms ‘Mother Blessing’ and ‘Blessingway’ should not be used interchangeably out of respect for the Navajo people and their culture and traditions.

What types of rituals can someone expect at a Mother Blessing?

Mother Blessings can be tailored to the mother's wants and needs as she transitions into motherhood. Here are some of the rituals you may see at a Mother Blessing:

1. Nourishment: Those attending the Mother Blessing may bring a small snack to share with the group, potluck style. There may also be drinks such as flavoured water or herbal teas offered to nourish the bodies of those in attendance.
2. Pampering: The mother is sometimes pampered by those closest to her throughout the Mother Blessing. Pampering may involve a flower crown crafted by the attendees, a massage (or many massages all over the body), soaks (feet, hands, or both), or other gestures of affection. These are some of the ways friends and family adore the mother, who may not be feeling beautiful where they’re at in their pregnancy.
3. Creating a bracelet or necklace: Guests at the Mother Blessing may be asked to bring a few beads to contribute to the creation of a bracelet or necklace for the mother as a symbol of connection to those in attendance. The mother wears this necklace during labour, remembering the connection and all the well-wishes and blessings her loved ones gave them with the beads.
4. Cutting the cord: Another symbol of connection between the mother and their loved ones is a cutting the cord ceremony. This is where guests wrap a long string (maybe from a ball of yarn) around their wrists, connecting themselves with the other guests and then finally the mother. As guests do this, they may wish positive things for the mother, such as strength, patience, joy, a safe birth, enough support postpartum, etc. The mother-to-be cuts the cord at the end, and the guests wear the string until baby arrives. A fellow doula colleague of mine who attended a Mother Blessing said that a string was tied around her ankle, and served as a symbol that she would walk with the mother through her journey.
5. Belly casting: Some Mother Blessing ceremonies have the mother’s belly casted with non-toxic plaster. Once the cast dries, guests may draw or write meaningful words of wisdom on the cast for the mother to remember this season of their life.
6. Belly art: Instead of casting, the mother may have guests draw or paint on their belly using henna or non-toxic paint.
7. Affirmations: Some Mother Blessing ceremonies have the guests write words of wisdom or affirmations for the mother to take with them into labour. These affirmations may be clipped onto a string and hung up in the birth room for her reflect upon and inspire her during labour.
8. Sharing of stories, wisdom, or wishes: The guests of the Mother Blessing may share stories, wisdom, or wishes for the mother either at some point in the gathering or throughout the gathering. These stories can inspire strength, courage, peace, or ease through the labour and birth experience. Some mothers encourage the guests to write words of wisdom on cards and, like the affirmations, these cards can be hung around the birth room to inspire her through her labour.
9. Lighting the way during labour: Party favours aren’t typically given to the guest of a Mother Blessing. However, candles may be distributed at the Mother Blessing gathering to the guests instead. When the mother begins her labour, she may want to share this news with the loved ones that attended the Mother Blessing so that they can light a candle throughout the time of the labour. This acts to “light the way” for baby to come earthside.

While this is not an exhaustive list, these are many of the main rituals that are celebrated during Mother Blessings. Also, the mother and the guests of the Mother Blessing typically sit in a circle either throughout or partially through the gathering. Circles are symbolic in many cultures, representing concepts such as unity, wholeness, and the life cycle.

Is a Mother Blessing only for new mothers?

Not at all! Mother Blessings can be for first time moms or fifth time moms, whether the mother is birthing their child themselves, or through a surrogate or adoption. The idea is to celebrate and shower the mother with support, strength, and love.

Mother Blessing gatherings are an excellent alternative to the conventional baby shower and are a beautiful way to honour a person as they transition into their motherhood role. As one mother explained to me, “The quality of time spend was much more purposeful to my journey into parenthood, connecting the relationship with my girlfriends.”

I hope the information in this article is helpful to you or a mother in your life who may want to celebrate in a unique way.

All the best in your motherhood journey, no matter how you choose to honour it!

Krista, KKH Doula